Seeing #blackgirlmagic posts made me insecure 

I have been writing for years and have blogged on and off over the last couple of years but I always give up. I become self conscious and start thinking that my work is not good enough.  

I love seeing other black womxn excel, especially in the things that I am also passionate about.  However sometimes seeing others excel makes me insecure about my own work. 

I went on a few blogs and Instagram accounts this weekend and I felt my insecurities rush in. They were all doing what I want to do but much better. A lot of my insecurities come from the fear of lacking originality, It seems like every other black womxn that I know is blogging or writing poetry and I will just be another one.

I realised this morning that my insecurities came from a deep rooted need to compete with other black womxn even when I want to celebrate and this is a symptom of our messed up society. 

How many white males do you know who are working on start-ups? Or Run some alternative YouTube commentary channel? They all do it with confidence and somehow the world finds a way to accommodate all of them but black womxn feel like we have to compete with each other wherever we find ourselves. Even when we are proud of each other it is hard not to compare our successes. 

I don’t think I am the only Womxn of colour who is afraid of claiming space? Many of us think that there’s limitted space for womxn of colour to shine, that only some of us can stand out.  We think that our story needs to be exceptionally extraordinary before we can tell it. We tell ourselves that only some of us can be successful in our respective fields and the rest of us need to find something else. 

Today I have decided to commit to my dreams. The world will have to accommodate for more black girl magic. It is okay to be another black womxn with a blog, what I offer is original because it is mine. 

5 thoughts on “Seeing #blackgirlmagic posts made me insecure 

  1. Yes!! That’s how I felt (and sometimes feel). I avoided tying new things because I thought that there were already enough black womxn doing what I wanted to do and was doing it better. I was telling my professor about it a day and she say, “yea that may be true but they aren’t doing it how you can do it. They aren’t going to bring the exact combination of skills, perspective, traits, etc that you can bring.” Even though sometimes I still feel competitive, I usually catch myself and remind myself that there is enough space for all of us and we are all contributing something special

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    • I don’t think the competitiveness ever leaves and that is okay. The problem is the insecurities about not even wanting to participate. I am always complaining about how black womxn are often presented as one homogeneous group with no nuance but here I was acting like that was true and that is sad. What are you doing to combat your insecurities?

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      • Yea I agree that it doesn’t ever leave, it’s a normal reaction that just happens. I’m doing a LOT of self work. Self-love, self-care, self-talk, learning about myself, reflecting, and spending time with myself. Listening or reading about other black womxn experience helps a lot too cause for a while I felt alone. Hearing their experiences showed that we go through similar things and I felt understood. And bonding with my friends with help too cause it’s a safe space with them. What things are you doing?

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      • I am also doing Similar things. Mainly just reading and spending time with womxn of colour. I am also just writing down my thoughts when I feel insecure and having dialogues with myself while also trying to just do things without over thinking at the same time. it is a learning journey and it is so great to see that I am not alone. Your comments are very affirming.

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      • Writing down your thoughts when you feel insecure and having dialogues with yourself is great! It is an ongoing learning journey. Going at my own pace helps me to remain focus. Thank you. And thank you for opening on this conversation on your blog.

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